Sweet Baby Crew

HONK!

Honk if you just kissed the computer screen!

This is Crew going down for a nap in his swing. He sleeps all night in his crib and currently takes all of his naps in the kitchen, swinging. I'll transition him once we move, but I'm not in the mood to rock the boat just now... er, the swing.

My favorite morning sound is the contented finger slurping down the hall. No crying, no fussing, no whimpering unless it takes me a really long time to figure out that he's really awake. Just the occasional "are you going to come get me, or what" grunt, and always the slurping. Slurp, slurp... Without that hilarious sound, I honestly wouldn't even know he was up sometimes! I still am not quite sure how long he does this before he's loud enough to alert me!

It's so much more pleasant than how Tanner and Kinley used to wake me up at this age...

Just One of the Kids

Crew woke up from a nap in his swing while I was otherwise occupied. Kinley took him out of his swing without interrupting me (which was kinda sweet), and when I went downstairs I found a perfectly content Crew... laying down on a blanket in front of the television, happy as can be, completely mesmerized by the Disney Channel.

Ugh. Cute, but horrifying.

---------

In other sibling inclusion news... the following is a conversation we had over the weekend. Keep in mind that Kinley packs Crew around the house as though she doesn't notice that he's almost half her size:

Mommy: Kinley!! Bring him back here right now! Crew doesn't need to go to the basement with you! Go play without him!

Kinley: Oh, but Mommy, we can't! Tanner and I are having a tumbling competition and we need Crew to be the judge! Whoever can make him smile the most is the winner!

Kinley's Moment

While Crew was attempting to laugh at Kinley's funny faces...

Kinley: Look! He's trying so hard to laugh at me! Sigh.... this is a beautiful moment!

NICU Crew

Play below or you can watch the larger version by clicking here.

NICU Crew @ Yahoo! Video

Anxiety

I've been in kind of a weird mental place lately. This upcoming move has really brought a lot of things to the surface. Things that, frankly, I'd rather stuff than confront.

I've been spending a lot more time at the cemetery, knowing that our visits will be fewer and farther between when we move. It really is a beautiful, peaceful, happy place. The kids ride bikes and we take long walks, trying to piece together some of the stories we find. It's reaffirming to remember that everybody dies sooner or later. And it's so exciting to know that this life is just a stepping stone into a grand continuation beyond the veil.

People have asked how I feel about "leaving Dex" when we move. Ever since his headstone was placed, I've found myself being very protective of him and his earthly tribute. In anxious moments, I make Justin promise that our visits to his grave will be frequent. In stronger moments, I feel fine moving away because he has reminded us on so many occasions and in so many ways that he is not there. Kinley feels sure that he joins us for family scripture study. Tanner asked at dinner the other night if Jesus was going to drive Dex to our house in a car so that he can live with our family again.

I find myself up a lot at night. Sometimes it's because the Tiny Prince has unswaddled himself and wakes up thinking it's snack time. Other times I am just up, thinking about the future and mentally solving potential catastrophes unnecessarily.

I don't consider myself a pessimist by nature, but this last year has been pretty overwhelming in a lot of ways and apparently it's affecting my psyche. It was a year ago that we found out that we were expecting twins. It's been one... "adventure" after another since then. Now that life seems to be leveling out, I find myself terrified to let down my crisis-guard.

Justin's job situation has finally stabilized and I'm absolutely in love with our house-to-be (which we closed on Thursday, yay!) My children are healthy, things are really mellowing out; it's almost like things are too good to be true and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, anticipating another major disaster.

I just can't seem to embrace the possibility that maybe my "Nauvoo period" is starting. I've been running on adrenaline and faith for so long that I can't figure out how to turn off my crisis-radar. I check to make sure Justin and the kids are breathing all night long; every time we get on the freeway I think "this could be the end of us. All it takes is one mistake." I went through a similar experience after we came out of the 7 months of cornea surgeries following the Great Candyland Incident. It took a long time to stop bracing for looming disaster. This feels very similar... only more intense.

Blech. This grieving thing is really icky sometimes.

He Laughs!!

Hallelujah, the Tiny Prince has laughed at last! At 5+ months adjusted, we have been waiting for this moment for a while (the usual window is 1-4 months). Grandma B. had him laughing up a storm over the weekend. Justin and I were so happy; I'm such a boob that I cried! We haven't been able to get him to do it again, but he did it! He did it!
In other medical news, we went to the neurologist on Friday morning and got a thumbs up. He's doing great! We'll see the whole neonatal follow-up team again in November.

The Hunter Visit

This is a picture of Tiny Crew with DeAnna back in December, around 2 pounds.And here he was last week with Miss DeAnna, now over 12 pounds!
DeAnna brought her father, "Grandpa Hunter", for a visit. He has been in very poor health for a long time and this is the first time he has been able to see Baby Crew in person. It was so nice to have you here! Thank you so much for coming!

The Tiny Prince and Me

Lingering Misconceptions

Kinley: Mommy, I've noticed that you are drinking a lot of water lately. A LOT of water. I don't think you should drink so much.

Mommy: Why? Drinking lots of water is really healthy for you. We should all drink more water.

Kinley: Water is good for us, I know. But I don't want you to explode again like you did when the babies were born! That was such a mess!

Rice, Rice, Baby

Crew has had his first non-milk, non-pedialyte, non-intravenous fluid meal!

He did really well, better than I really expected. I tell ya, sometimes the Tiny Prince thinks he really is eight months old. While I can't declare with perfect certainty that he is my most successful first meal eater (though I do think that's the case), I can tell you that he is the first child of mine that opened his mouth wide like a hippo the first time he saw the spoon coming his direction. He is his mama's son.

He ate one tablespoon of rice cereal plus water. He lost interest by the last few bites, but he finished it!

Bumbo Baby

Hmmm.... what's this all about, eh?
He likes it!