I went to the grocery store today to pick up a few things. In the meat section, I looked up and realized there were two adorable little children in a cart next to me, a boy and a girl looking about the same age, around 2. I asked the mom "are they twins?" She smiled and said yes. I smiled at them and said, "they are super cute" and turned to go.
I was so proud of myself! I didn't walk in the other direction! I didn't ignore them! My heart didn't race, my face didn't flush, my stomach kept all its contents! I felt so liberated that I reached way into the back of my cold black heart and sensed no jealousy whatsoever! I thought, "Yay! I'm back!"
Then...
Just as I was turning away from our very brief but satisfying encounter, she rolled her eyes, sighed heavily, and said, "Yeah, and they're a LOT of work."
Heart still racing.
Face still flushed.
Nausea fleeting and manageable.
I tried. Maybe next time I won't try quite so hard.
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The Story
In November 2008, our identical twin boys were born via emergency c-section at 28 weeks gestation. Our precious Dex returned to Heaven that day due to complications of TTTS, and now the rest of us continue on the earthly part of our journey, anxious to see him again.
This blog has been created to document the journey of our boys and the continued progression of our survivor, Crew.
My Dex Songs
Crew's NICU Video
Crew
Dex
3 comments:
At least you tried... :)
I completely understand. Boy, it's nice to know that someone out there experiences that feeling too when seeing twins. You might have read on my blog, but the other day. . .a lady opened the door for me and Olivia in her stroller. She said that she'd been there, I smiled, and then she said, "But I had twins if you can imagine that." My heart just broke. Thinking of you!
Oh! So hard - kudos for the try. I love this blog - you bring a whole new perspective to the world. Thank you for sharing.
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