Boring Days Are Nice

Crew has done pretty well the last few days. He's had his ups and downs, but they are mostly his usual ups and down with the ventilator. It's so hard leaving him in the care of strangers, having to trust that they know what they are doing. I quite like all of the nurses that he has had at the Children's Hospital, but I don't feel like I have really open communication with the doctors who are calling the shots. He had a (repeat) echocardiogram today on his heart to search out a hole they suspect. They like to take any jab they can at the previous care he has received and it's getting old. Good news is that the neonatologist that I (finally) met today (for a few minutes) said that Crew is doing very well, as well as could possibly be expected with his age, surgery, etc.

Waiting for test results on Crew makes me a wreck. I get so impatient with the world and I watch the clock until I know the results should be in. It didn't help that the lactation specialist called me and accidentally woke me up from my way-too-short nap. Anyone in my path takes the blast of my agitation and I really need to remember to not be in public when I feel that way, lest I damage important relationships with my crazy woman routine.

Crew has beautiful eyes. He has opened them many times in the last two days and I do get the sense that he is trying to find me. He opens them and they kind of roll around, unfocused. He has hair, as you can see in this most recent picture. I can't wait until he is big, strong, and healthy enough to snuggle up with in a rocking chair. Then again, I need to make sure I'm in a good place when that happens, otherwise I might just stuff him under my shirt and run out the door as fast as I can.

It was all I could do to pull myself away from him to come home this afternoon. Then when I picked up my big kids at the neighbor's house, they didn't want to come home with me. You know, being with the neighbors is apparently akin to being at Disneyland. I'm usually very grateful and terribly relieved that Kiks and Tanner are being so flexible and resilient in the face of all this chaos, but today I just wanted to be a normal mom for an afternoon and it mostly blew up in my face.

This is temporary... this is temporary...