I held my baby tonight. I snuggled him while he wrestled with his binky and then when he woke up and looked right into my eyes. He exudes peace and hope. I believe in miracles. I've experienced them before and I'm not giving up hope yet.
I've been on my own personal roller coaster for the last 24 hours. I go from "this can't possibly be true, they must be wrong" to "we can handle whatever comes, no matter how bad it is" to "we can't possibly survive this and if I get one more piece of bad news, I will completely break." And then the cycle starts over again. There aren't a lot of tissues left in the house today.
All I know is that the Lord is mindful of us and that has to be enough for now. I don't know what our future holds and the unknown is pretty overwhelming. For now we'll try to ignore the scans (ha ha) and focus on his behaviors and milestones because it's all that we can do. I love him so much. So so so so so so much.
I know there are those of you who pray for Crew. Please please don't stop. They have made such a difference in his life already and he can use all of the faith and hope that he can get right now.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
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1 comment:
I just wanted to say I'm very sorry you are having to go through all that are. I occasionally popped in to your scrapping blog and when I read your most recent post, I had to stop here. I'm very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, as I have never had to experience such a loss. I have, however had a baby much earlier than his due date. My son was born at 26 weeks, with a heart condition we weren't familiar with and Down Syndrome. It's a struggle. A complete roller coaster of emotions. All I can tell you is it will get better. I didn't believe that early on, but now, 18 months later, I'm seeing that it does. Good luck with your handsome little boy and know there are many people thinking of you and praying for your family.
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