Friday, January 9, 2009

A Little More Hope For Crew

Neonatologist #1 met with us the other day and told us of the finding on the scan. He said it was quite concerning, potentially very problematic, but ultimately means nothing yet as far as Crew's longterm potential.

Neonatologist #2 said that this was basically a worst case scenario. She said there was no hope, he would be devastatingly damaged, both physically and mentally, and that she didn't want me living in a fantasy land, thinking that this wasn't going to be very very bad.

I was so confused about the mixed messages that I requested a visit with Neonatologist #3 this morning, whom I greatly respect. He was very very firmly in agreement with Neo #1. He said we don't know enough about the brain to know how this is going to turn out. He has seen worse cases that turn out well and better cases that turn out very bad. I pleaded with him for the truth because I don't want to be molly coddled and I don't want someone to fill me with fluffy false hopes just so that my spirits aren't crushed. He firmly stood (physically and figuratively) beside Neo #1. The message is "we just don't know, but there absolutely is hope."

That's enough for me today.

I think it's all worked out for the best, even with the mixed messages. Meeting with Neo #1 was horrible and very sobering. Talking to Neo #2 was devastating. Meeting with Neo #3 and #1 and hearing the original message repeated didn't sound so bad the second time after spending a day trying to absorb the message from #2!

I simply cannot look into those big brown eyes and see what I see, and believe that there is no hope. I believe in miracles and this little guy needs one.


texasblu said...

Still sending prayers. He is precious. :)

Courtney said...

We'll never stop praying!