What The Doctor Said

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. I was agitated and didn't want to go to the hospital. When I got there, I stayed for less than two hours and then left. I was just filled with grumpiness and I couldn't put my finger on the official cause so I chalked it up to general burn out... much like the morning Crew was transferred. A mother's intuition often knows when something is coming.

This afternoon the hospital called and let me know that one of the neonatologists wanted to sit down with Justin and me together to go over the results of Crew's most recent brain ultrasound. Yeah, I knew that couldn't be good.

Cerebral Atrophy. That's what the ultrasound showed. It doesn't sound very good, does it? Basically, his brain is not developing as it should; the development of the brain folds are very delayed and the rate of development appears to be slowing down as well, when compared to previous ultrasounds. His 36-week old brain has the characteristics of a 29 week fetus.

What does it mean? Who knows.

Might he be "normal"? Yes

Might he be profoundly retarded or otherwise catastrophically deficient? Yes

Might he be something in between, with mild physical or mental disabilities? Yes

When will we have answers about these things? In time. Lots and lots of time.

Might I sleep tonight? Not a chance.