Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Seriously Bad Memories

Yesterday wasn't the very best day ever, but I've had worse. It started off waking up in the morning missing Dex and taking a brief stroll down the unhealthy "what if" road. I mostly got over it throughout the day, just in time to accidentally stumble upon the beginning of someone else's trauma last night.

I went to the hospital in my pajamas (because I do that sometimes) for my nightly snuggle with my baby crewton. 15 feet away from the entrance to the NICU was a large group of people scrambling around an isolette. Now, I've been a fixture at the NICU long enough to see plenty of babies admitted, but for some reason I've only seen the calm, methodical, relatively uneventful admissions. I've never been present for the more dramatic entrances, with crash carts, staff in a frenzy, doctors in gowns, fathers in tears, etc. I had to turn right around and walk the opposite direction and try to breathe very slowly. It brought back some very bad memories and the memories weren't even mine because I was unconscious during all of it! It all came back in a flood of emotion to cap off a day that had already started off kind of touchy.

It was an interesting NICU day all around. I met a mom that I share floor space with. Crew and I share a cubby with two other sets of twins. It's kind of an interesting arrangement for me, but I'm actually ok with it. We talked for a while last night about our kids and our experiences and I think it was therapeutic for both of us. After talking to her about her journey and the medical struggles her babies are having, I thought I was really lucky because things could be a lot worse for us with Crew. Interestingly, she looked at me with my situation and thought the very same thing! I guess there is gratitude to be found in every situation.

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