What A Wild Ride

I'm getting motion sickness on this roller coaster. He's had a great day, only two episodes all day and they were both in the last two hours. In the end, he did have too much stool output yesterday, so they are decreasing his milk fortification from 24 to 22 calories per ounce. Hopefully he'll digest this better. It's better for him to have fewer calories and absorb it and grow from it than to have higher calories and absorb none of it.

Today's resident and nurse don't seem very concerned about his brady/desats. I expressed my frustration that some days everyone is alarmed and other days no one seems concerned. Am I supposed to be alarmed? Am I supposed to be composed and patient and unworried? If they are all over the map about it, how am I supposed to keep up??? Yet another resident just called me back after I grated all over the nurse, to tell me that I'm not supposed to be worried right now about these episodes because all the labs are coming back normal (and because nothing else they are trying is really fixing it). No spinal tap is in the immediate future and they are (for this moment, at least) chalking his behavior up to being very small and very young. I wonder what the radically different, totally insane story will be tomorrow.

And I hate the snow. I'm afraid to drive in the snow.

Sorry, I'm having an I'm-so-tired, end-of-my-rope, want-to-hold-my-baby, want-some-definitive-answers, need-some-consistency, Crew-is-too-far-away, I-hate-the-snow, feel-to-scream kind of day.