A New Monday

I find that Crew remains my anti-anxiety medication of choice. Being near him calms me. I was supposed to go see him again this morning, but Tanner is still sick.

It's hard having Crew be so far away. If my big kids get sick, I can't see him. If it snows, I can't see him. I wasn't able to see him last Friday or Saturday. I can't see him today because Tanner is sick and I won't be able to go up tomorrow because of the storm rolling in tonight. I was so happy, so deliriously happy to see him and hold him yesterday, but 2 hours in a 5-day period is simply not enough, especially when you feel like you have to be there to protect him and be on top of things.

All that complaining aside, I'm actually feeling much more sane and happy today than I did all last week. I've been working on "finding my chi" as my sister Heather puts it. I started circling the drain emotionally, starting last Monday (like that hasn't been obvious from my posts??) But this weekend I decided that none of us are going to survive the next two months if I continued down that path, so I've been trying to climb back up to my happy place, or at least my "stable place", LOL! I may have gently exploded all over the hospital staff yesterday (which apparently needs to be done once in a while) and I think we're on the same page again. At least for now.

Of course, this is much easier when Crew has a few really good days in a row, like he has just happened to have had. He put on 40 grams yesterday, which is starting to make up for recently lost ground. He had no Brady/desat episodes at all yesterday or last night, and he's on 21% oxygen (which is about the same as room air) and 1.5 liters on the cannula. That is really really good and and fantastically, surprisingly stable.

Of interest, he threw a major fit last night at the nurse. It seems that all he wanted was for her to visit with him, sit him up and interact with him a little. I've noticed a pattern; he has started to do this on days when I visit and hold him. I'll confess that I'm sneakily satisfied about this development... Oh, little Crewton. Mama loves you and misses you so much. Soon we'll be together every day and I can't wait!

So today, instead of moping and spinning in aimless circles, I'm going to finish the laundry that Justin started this weekend and spend some quality time with the equally lovable kids that are within kissing distance.